The full set is here.

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I am in love with the process of making art. I come up with a process without knowing what will to come out of it. At times, it’s a game - stacking as many variables or complications as I can, wondering what will happen at the end of it. Will be be good? Will it be a disaster? Either outcome is *interesting.* Either way, I’ve learned something. The final piece is incidental. It’s an artifact of a conceptual process. So far, I’ve happily embraced this concept.

Then, something happened. I started working on Syzygryd. The look of the piece is pretty much fixed. Instead of knowing the process and working with it until something interesting falls out, I’m working towards a very specific endpoint. The method of getting to that endpoint is what’s undefined. The path is what needs to be figured out. And it doesn’t really matter what that path is, as long as it works. After diving into Solidworks (CAD software) and that sketchy space between CAD and reality, I remembered the divine thrill of necessity-driven quick learning. With the dusty deadline coming closer, there’s no time to wait until I’m fluent in the software. No second-guessing. No space to feel like I should hand this task off to someone more competent. There are no experts - no one’s ever built Syzygryd before. This is at once reassuring and terrifying.

I used to cling to the belief that if I knew the outcome, I wasn’t interested. What I’m learning is that the path to a known end can be just as fascinating as the exploring a fixed path to an unknown end.

Once Syzygryd is done, and I’ve washed off the (nimby or playa) dust, I’ll try adopting a similar technique photographically. I can’t wait to see what happens.

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from a test shoot with Trista Musco and projections of her art.

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Things happened today! Today is the day that I accidentally joined the Fabrication Team for Syzygryd. I also took photos.

This is a tube being cut by a large bandsaw.

This is the shop full of tubes.

This is NIMBY being very full of projects.

This is Slim doing one of the curved cuts on the tube with the plasma cutter.

The rest of the photos for the build so far are here.

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Stripmall Architecture came to my new studio space for a shoot at the end of April. The photos have been online for a few weeks, but life got full of things. Now I’m finally writing about it.

We did some simple photos against a white backdrop, with the idea that the white areas can be filled with drawings. For the rest of the photos, we used a projector as the light source. We used a drawing by Jody Pham (she did the cover of their new album) and a pattern of dots. It also did great things for silhouettes and backlighting. I’m thoroughly convinced that a projector needs to be part of the permanent photo studio setup.

Looking through the photographs at the end of this, I see accidental beautiful things that can feed future projects. I feel incredibly fortunate to work with such wonderful collaborators.

The full set of photos is here.

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On April 8th, I had the honor of photographing this performance by Sadie Lune and Lula Mae Day.

Sadie’s description of the performance:


An ‘availabilist’ performance art installation investigating intimacy, shame and the blessed beast of huge love.

A sequence of interactive games, symbiotic rituals and swell treats traveling through the theater space.

This show is the completion of an AIRspace Residency

part of the ongoing project Teaching Myself to Love


more on her site.

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Unwoman just released her new album, Casualties. This is super exciting for a few reasons. For one, her music is awesome. I’ve already listened to it a bunch of times, and I love it so much. On a personal note, I’m thrilled to see my photographs on the CD packaging. And, the liner notes feature photographs by the super talented Neil Girling. My first album cover! Hooray!

So, I’ve taken a few photos of this object. Here they are:

I also want to share the lighting setup I used for this. About halfway through turning my laptop on its side, I realized that what I was doing was slightly ridiculous. It totally worked though. One side lit by a pile of christmas lights, the other by a blank white photoshop document.

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Both rolls happened to be from Praha. Half of one of them was shot in Amsterdam. So, here’s Amsterdam:

And here’s the Praha set again, with some new photos:

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After the fireworks finally tapered off in Berlin, we said our goodbyes and rode the train to Praha. This is not the first roll of film I shot there, just the first one I’ve developed. This is from whatever day Slim, Rubin and I went to see David Cerny’s installation piece on the TV Tower in Zizkov.

Slim and I took a long walk through Old Town to get back to our hostel.

Encountered this sculpture, inspired by Kafka’s “Description of a Struggle.”

Then we went to the Cross Club. Slim and I sat at a table on the balcony made of machine parts and rebar. I finished this roll of film, reloaded the camera, and then we joined the rest of the crowd on the dancefloor.

the rest of the set is here.

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Last weekend, I did a shoot with Unwoman at the abandoned 16th Street train station in Oakland.

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It looks like I’m moving from Oakland to San Francisco soon. So, I’m having a moving sale. Some of my favorite prints from the past few years are now on etsy. Here’s the first batch: prints! on etsy!

See something you like? I’d love for you to have it! Don’t see the print you want? Ask me if I have one by sending an email to audrey@lostinthenoise.net. If I don’t have a print already made, I can probably make one for you.

Also, I have a serious backlog of film waiting to be developed. There’s still some from last summer and fall. There’s a bunch from my three weeks traveling in Europe. Want to sponsor one? $50 gets you an 11×14 mystery print, and scans of the entire roll go online. I’ll choose some random roll of film. If you wish, you can specify vaguely what era you’d like (summer, fall, europe). I have a pretty good idea of what time of year the film is from, but I guarantee nothing. Bonus points (it’s slightly cheaper) if you feel like meeting me in SF so I don’t have to go to the post office.

shipping options

make me mail you the thing $50.00 meet me at Noisebridge or elsewhere in SF $45.00

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The video from my talk at 26c3, “Photography and the Art of Doing it Wrong,” is online. This happened on December 30, 2009, in Berlin.

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Ian, Kaitlin and I did a photoshoot of Nicole today. These are some of my favorites from the set. Ian and Kaitlin got some amazing shots as well. I’m really looking forward to seeing their finished photos. Nicole is very colorful! The shoot was so much fun! Once the film is all developed, I’ll be able to share a lot more here.

One more photo. Ian found a hat:

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Praha, at night. In the soft, comforting glow of night, thin metal fingers reached down. A thin figure, a shadow. It wants to dance.

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I last wrote on New Year’s Eve, in Berlin, before the exploding fireworks reached their climax. To say that Journey to the End of the Year was a success, is certainly an understatement. We started off with 250 manifests, and handed out every single one of them. The crowd listened to the rules, including the precautions that yes, in fact, cars and buses are still real and can still kill you even though you are playing a game. Fin and Valerie took turns with the megaphone, eventually letting the players loose in Berlin. They scattered in all directions, many of them second-guessing their direction, spinning in confusion before bolting off from the base of the tower.

players scatter, their fate is in their own hands (and feet) now

The party ended at C-Base. Midnight came in a fresh wave of explosions. Hackers launched bottle rockets, and anything else that would blow up, over the river. We danced with sparklers. We danced in the snow. Friends and lovers kissed, welcoming the new year. The party persisted all through Berlin, through dawn. As a group of us finally made it home, sometime during daylight. A comment on the quiet was met with something blowing up in the distance. So much for that. White snow had turned into a red paste of explosive debris.

Over the next few days, we gradually said our goodbyes. As with every Congress so far, I’ve gained more friendships without necessarily knowing which country (or continent) my friends live in. Rubin, Slim and I hopped on a train to Praha after a few days. I’ve only got a few digital photos from there, and none are yet online. The batteries don’t like the cold, which really just turns into an excuse to only shoot film. Rubin has since made his way to Wien, spending some quality internet time at the Metalab, uploading some of his photos taken in Berlin and Praha.

photo by Rubin Abdi

I’m in Amsterdam with Slim as I write this. We arrived yesterday, and spent most of the day hanging out with friends (Alex, Agnes, and their son), talking about art, motorcycles, hacker culture, memetics, performance, and costumes. We shared photos and stories until it was time to sleep, and then of course, continued in the morning. Tonight we’re checking OT301 for vegan food and art before meeting up with some more people in that part of town. I have just a few more days before returning to San Francisco. Though I’m loving it here, I’m excited to come home and run with all the ideas in my head - new ones, and refined versions of older ones.

Much more to write. Much more to share with you. But for now, there is more city to run around in.

xoxoxo

- Audrey

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In Berlin, in a room packed full of friends. Making the final preparations for Journey to the End of the Year. A plan that formed at the end of the summer, with Slim and Valerie at the top of Thunderdome as the sun was rising. It’s happening tonight. The city is already echoing with fireworks. The snow stained with red powder. Join us tonight, running around the city! But remember, don’t die. That’s depressing when it happens in real life.

Afterglow of my talk yesterday, to a full room at 26c3. A huge thank you to everyone who attended! That was wonderful! It was so exciting to share this with all of you!

Snow glittered in tungsten light. A snowball fight in the street. At C-base later, talk of photography, of inspiration, of sharing techniques. Dancing in the space station. Speaking abstract concepts with our hands and bodies. Throwing snow with bare hands. Back to the dancefloor. Reluctance to say goodnight meant that it took several hours. Just one more song. And then the music gets glitchy. How could we possibly leave now? Our night ended at 6am, still a bit early. Tonight doesn’t have to end so soon. We’ll sleep sometime next year.

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I’m in Berlin, at 26c3 - my third time at the Chaos Communication Congress. My talk starts in about two hours.

Photography and the Art of Doing it Wrong

If you’re here, come to my talk! If you’re elsewhere, it will be streaming.

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Last night, I went to the Box Factory to see Stripmall Architecture. Their new album (We Were Flying Kites) is wonderful - I’ve been listening to it constantly. At the show, I picked up the physical CD version, which came with a bonus disc - Object03. It has different versions of some of the songs, plus some that I hadn’t heard before. If you’re reading this, and you don’t have their new album yet, go fix that now.

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Look what happened again:

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Tonight, Loud Objects performed at Noisebridge. Tristan Perich and Lesley Flanigan soldered their instrument while playing it. Beautiful 1-bit glitch. This makes me happy. Full photo set is here.

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At last month’s Hubba Hubba Revue, I shot with two cameras. The digital shots went up a little while ago. Now I present to you the film version of the night. 160 ISO film in my Contax with the 1.4f Zeiss lens. This, of course, means multiple exposures! A lot of them! Like this one of the beautiful Vienna la Rouge.

The rest of the photos are here, added to the set of digital shots.

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The sound of my hands moving across the keys. The glow of my laptop screen. Things are happening. I keep reminding myself of this, even though it’s not tangible yet. Email. Talking. Planning.

Another New Year in Berlin. I’ve completely lost track of how many people we’ve convinced to join us. A plan formed at sunrise, Tuesday morning at Burning Man, on the top of Thunderdome. Journey to the End of the Night was an amazing way to experience the two cities I’ve played in - Oakland and San Francisco. An unfamiliar path through a familiar city took me to places I hadn’t seen. I found connections I didn’t know before. The game redefined what counted as a way out. I wrote about the Oakland game in June, so I won’t retell the story here. I craved this experience in other cities. I wanted to play in Berlin, in Wien, in Praha, in every other city I might travel to someday. Once these thoughts spilled from my lips, they were on their way to becoming real. Slim, Valerie, and I in the quiet of dawn, before sleep. I’m not sure which one of us said the words. It had momentum before I had decided for sure to go to Berlin again. So this is what happens now!

Ok, so I’ve committed to going to Berlin again. That means, of course, going to 26C3. This year, I’m giving a talk. It’s called “Photography and the Art of Doing it Wrong.” One of my tasks for the next week is finishing the paper for it. If you’re coming to Berlin, come listen to my talk! It’s happening at 2pm on December 29th, in the big room! I hope to see you there!

Praha, for more than a day and a half. Perhaps the train will not catch fire. And this time, the stories and memories won’t just be mine. More photographs of the city at night - some for a sculpture I’m building for Burning Man next year.

Speaking of Praha…. This game, Machinarium was made by the Czech based Amanita Design. It’s the most beautiful game I’ve ever played. From the first screenshots I saw, I remembered walking the streets of Praha in January. The story is told without words. Puzzles are often solved in delightfully janky ways. It is charming and wonderful, and my words are not adequate for what I want to express. Play it. Do it now. You’ll be happy you did.

This will be my third winter in Europe. I’m very excited to play a more active role this time, instead of just attending the Congress. I love listening to other people’s talks. I love the experiences and games set up by others. But, I’m happiest when I’m creating also. The balance is important here. I’m so excited!

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roll #16

roll #17

roll #18

Ok, the deal with any of these is this: It is a roll of film I shot in the recent past. Number 16 is the only one I have any definitive idea about, because it is the most recent one to come out of my camera. The other two? I’m pretty sure I bought the film sometime after returning from Burning Man, but I can’t make any promises. We’ll only know when it’s been developed. That’s where you come in. For $45, you help these be in the world. They’ll be developed, scanned, and put online. And, you’ll get a photograph that is a physical object - I will make an 11×14 print for you from your roll, using light and chemicals. Go to my etsy store and take your pick. I can’t wait to share these with you!

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Two rolls of film. Fuji 160 ISO. One of them is portrait film, the other has more saturated color. I never shoot with either of these things in mind. Why am I telling you this? Because I feel the need to say *something* factual about these rolls of film. What comes out of these is a surprise for both of us. I’m fairly certain they were shot sometime in the past few months. Though, I was sure of that with the first set and ended up with something from last year.

Anyway, sponsoring a roll of film means that you get to help bring these photographs into the world, onto the internet for all to see. You want to see this stuff, I promise. In addition, you get your very own 11×14 print. A physical thing, on photo paper, made by me in the darkroom.

Thank you to everyone who has sponsored one of these. Thank you to all of you who will do it in the future. You’re absolutely wonderful.

Ok, this is what I’ve got this time:

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Corpus Callosum’s first music video, Lullaby #2, is now out in the world. I feel incredibly honored to have been part of the process. They celebrated the video release with the San Francisco crowd with a musical performance and a puppet show.

Afterward, I found myself at for Five Cent Coffee and Lady A and Her Heel Draggers. I was treated to some new music and dancing in the dark red room. When I wasn’t dancing, I took a few photographs. Here they are:

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Suzanne Forbes painted a beautiful portrait of me!

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Now, I will present to you, Corpus Callosum’s first music video. The song is “Lullaby #2.” The video was shot at the Wave Organ in San Francisco over the course of a single day. Directed and produced by Corpus Callosum with Nicole Aptekar as the Director of Photography. I was on the technical crew and on camera #2.

Corpus Callosum - Lullaby #2 from Dax Tran-Caffee on Vimeo.

Last night at the Anno Domini Gallery, they played a concert with Battlehooch and then premiered the video.
Watch the video and check out my photos from last night.

If you’re in the SF Bay Area, join us at Noisebridge (2169 Mission Street, San Francisco) for a puppet show, musical performance, and another video screening. The all ages show starts at 7pm.

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The first of my photos from monochrom’s Arse Elektronika are up.

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I decided last night that I was going to find an accordion today at the antique flea market. Sure enough, I found this. It was cheap, and it works. In my enthusiastic yelling, I accidentally haggled $5 off the price, and only realized this while running back from the ATM. With the exception of the colors (green and white), it’s exactly what I wanted. And now I have a painting project ahead of me. I’m so excited!

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Friday night was the Noisebridge Open House Party. Noisebridge has had a physical space for a year now. After a year 83C Wiese Street is dead, and we’re in a new location at 2169 Mission Street. The art gallery featured photography by httf, Rubin Abdi, Joachim Pedersen, and me.

Corpus Callosum played a spectacular show at 10pm. And I, cameras in hand, took a bunch of photos. Look!

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Two cameras for each of us, Mike and I went to the Handcar Regatta in Santa Rosa. Two cameras that are unfamiliar. A Pentax DSLR borrowed from Nicole with Ian’s wide angle lens, and a Mamiya 645. So, it was a day of making brand new mistakes. I missed my Contax, the camera that I’ve carried with me for over five years. But, had I brought that one, I would have remained in my comfort zone. I doubt I would have used either of these other cameras nearly as much.

There were races. One of the cars was carried across the finish line, with things falling off and clattering onto the tracks.

The Front Porch became a stage. I first encountered it at Burning Man, running across the playa with Slim, leaping onto the stairs as it was still moving, dancing on the porch in the moonlight. Here, it was still. Parked by the train tracks. Music being played to the crowd around it.

See the rest of the album here

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[flickr album=72157622346483617 num=4 size=Medium]

Mike, Kelly, Mad Hatter
and I chased the photons together, driving toward the ocean to catch the last remnants of sunlight. This brought us to Sutro Baths in the dark. We climbed the ruins, Kelly and I in skirts and high heels. Long exposures with handheld flash. Distant light of the Cliff House and streetlights. Into the tunnel for more.

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“Our intention is to generate society that connects each individual to his or her creative powers, to participation in community, to the larger realm of civic life, and to the even greater world of nature that exists beyond society.”
- from What is Burning Man?.

It’s a great sentiment. But, I’m a photographer, and there’s rules against people like me. By attending the event, I must agree to be bound by these rules. Photographs are for personal use only. If I display any photographs taken at the event in a public forum, the Burning Man Organization can claim the copyright. The photographs I create in the desert are not mine.

Before going to Burning Man for the first time in 2007, my friends explained the photography rules to me. I was crushed. I brought a few cameras with me anyway, but I lacked the self-confidence to challenge the rules at all. Asking for permission to use my own photographs seemed really hard. It would really hurt me if they said no. So, I continued to feel like an outsider. They spoke the words of being inclusive and encouraging creativity, but I didn’t feel it. I shot a few photos when I was there, but I doubt I even finished one roll of film. I wasted more effort on making sure that no strangers happened to be near my lens than I did composing the damn photos. Feeling the weight of restrictions, my heart just wasn’t in it. To this day, very few people have seen the few photos that made it through the editing process. My crap-ass rangefinder is covered in playa and still has a half finished black and white roll in it from that year.

I’ll be going again this year, with cameras that I intend to use - for real this time. Art forms are languages. Often I feel that I speak more fluently in the language of photography than spoken English. I have no memory of when I first held a camera, when I took my first photograph. But, there isn’t a whole lot I can remember before the age of three or four. Because it feels so natural to me, I used to overlook the value of it - to myself and to my community.

Burning Man’s photography rules fed this insecurity, and gave it much more validity than it deserved. Photography was not being seen on the same level as the other art that’s out there. Conversations sparked by the EFF vs Burning Man issue emphasized these patterns of thought. People commented about photographers exploiting the participants and artists at Burning Man.

Yes, I understand that some people with the intention of exploitation will be pointing cameras at things. I’m sympathetic to the desires of the Burning Man Org to protect the privacy of its participants. Part of creating a safe space is ensuring that people don’t feel vulnerable to possible exploitation - whatever that means. The presence of cameras can make people feel inhibited. They’ll feel less free if they think their every move is being recorded. People expressed concerns about commercial uses, about privacy, about misrepresentation.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I resent that just because photography is my medium, I’m being grouped with the ones who are Doing It Wrong. Photography is the best way I’ve found to contribute to my community and culture. It’s offensive that my contributions should be looked at differently just because I made them with photons and film. I’m leaving names out of this, but someone was equating the length of time spent on a piece of art to its value. Just one of the lovely things brought out in this discussion. I’m sure *that’s* not shaping any of this… Sure, a photograph is created quickly - it has to be (unless it’s a really long exposure, but that’s not what I’m getting at). It certainly takes less time than building a massive sculpture. But, it’s only through years of training and practice that I am able to create a photo in that fraction of a second with the necessary level confidence. In some ways, it’s analogous to a dance performance. The routine is developed and practiced ahead of time, but the piece is created in the moment. Every movement is new and belongs to the moment. And we don’t see performances being so devalued, just because they happen quickly. The metaphor may have gotten a bit sloppy, but essentially what I’m saying here is that every photograph is the result of an entire life of work. Don’t tell me it lacks significance just because photons were only smacking against the film for 1/60th of a second.

Where I am mentally right now, I know that I am not the only one who values my work. And the old tired arguments about photography not really being art are irrelevant - seriously, this conversation happened a hundred years ago. Aren’t we done?

I’m not really worried about Burning Man claiming my photographs. If something stupid happens, I’ll deal with it when we get there. The real reason I wrote this thing is for my self of two years ago and others like her. If the goal of Burning Man is to encourage participation, they are wrong to have such a heavy-handed restriction on photography. For some of us, the primary mode of participation is through photography. Our voices matter too. And wouldn’t it suck if no one took photos at all?

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As a side effect of turning off the automatic preview, I’ve been loading up the memory card with photos I haven’t seen and have forgotten about. Last night I caught up a bit with the past couple weeks.

Little Minsky’s, Hosted by Jill Tracy, at Club Deluxe

Spurious Dumb, at NIMBY

We planned, got materials for, and built a project for Burning Man in a day.

Another weekend working on Spurious Causality at NIMBY

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This is a set of photographs from the first day of Corpus Callosum’s video shoot for their song “Lullaby.” Nicole Aptekar, Heather Hryciw and I were on crew that day. The song was played over and over, and we got a timelapse of ships going by. The video is still in progress. When it’s done, it will be online for all to see. For now, enjoy the photos, and if you’re in Portland, check them out tonight at Ella St. Social Club, 714 SW 20th Place, Portland, OR. Show starts at 8pm.

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I picked up the film and scans from the lab today and I’ve spent the past few hours at Noisebridge drinking Club Mate and editing these photos. Now they are ready for the world. Thanks again to everyone who sponsored a roll this time.

Roll #8

This was a 25iso roll, shot at Maker Faire and at Slim’s birthday party. Nina Rawkstah got this one.

Roll #9

Khris Brown sponsored this roll of cross processed slide film. It started at Sand by the Ton and ended at the Wave Organ for a Corpus Callosum video shoot.

Roll #10

Eden Hensley sponsored this roll - one of the fastest speed films I’ve shot in a while - 160 iso. Quite appropriately it was shot entirely at night. Twice to the DNA Lounge and once to the Fire Arts Festival.

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Untitled from audrey penven on Vimeo.

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I’m so pleased with how well that first round of Sponsor a Roll of Film went. It was so exciting to see all these photographs from The Past. The responses that I got from everyone reinforced the idea that this all really matters. I left the darkroom with a stack of prints, impatient and so excited for them to be seen.

Thank you for this.

I’ve got some more. They are here:

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Tonight I did a photoshoot with Kai and Jason on the broken piano. Kai begins grad school this fall in Chicago. They’re taking this adventure together.

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